I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
