When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
