I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
