She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
