I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
