i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
COCAINE IS GR8
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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