i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Found the puke drawer
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
