I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Text me some of your sweat
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
