Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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