Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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