I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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