If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
