Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
