I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize