The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
