Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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