waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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