Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize