This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
