He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
