you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
