He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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