sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
