i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
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