Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
