I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
