I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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