hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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