So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize