it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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