i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I could fuck to npr.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
