hotel room ftw
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize