Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
