I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
