my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I supernannyed him into submission
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
