Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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