i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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