You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
