i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
