we have officially lost it.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
