In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
