i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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