i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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