There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Michael Bay diarrhea
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
