I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Enjoy the penises
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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