my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
