I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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