I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
