I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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