he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
