In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
