I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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