I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
