I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
either way he was missing a nipple.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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