He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize