I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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