you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I think my nap took me to another dimension
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
