But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
