it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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