Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
