And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize