Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
