I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I cut my penus on the lid.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
