he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
