is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
