Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
