Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
