So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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