Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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