Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize