please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Girls should come with a carfax report
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
